Remembering an Eclipse...

One year ago...at the beginning of 2016, a dear friend of mine chose to end his life. Therefore I have chosen to write this lament in remembrance of him and his faithful deeds. His name was Jeff Flint or better known as Eclipse as how I first met him, or as a friend of mine dubbed him: Texas Jeff because he was from the Lone Star State. I just know that the state is down one star...but we remember him and grieve his departure and continue on doing the Lord's work. I met Jeff during the summer of 2008 at a small camp in Washington state. In fact, he was one of the first people I met there. Him and his wife Dotty, better known to me as Solar. Together they were Solar Eclipse! I was sitting in the back of the forum, not knowing how this was going to work out for me. I began getting anxious and dizzy and as the nurses, Jeff and Dotty took great care of me. They led me out to my cabin and laid me down to rest. I was forever grateful. That was the beginning of a wonderful friendship!

Throughout that summer, part of my job was to be in charge of parking control at the beginning and end of camp. When no one else seemed to help me out when I was in need, Eclipse was right there to help me in his golf cart. He also helped me some when I needed assistance after dark when I was on the prowl for those who should be in their cabins. There was way too much leniency going on at this camp and the leadership had no respect or authority and therefore I was forever grateful for Eclipse and those who offered a helping hand. Thank you Jeff.

I knew Jeff, Dotty and their sons were from the south. I think they lived at one point in New Mexico before moving to Texas. After the summer like that it is always difficult to say goodbye to those you grew close to. Most I eventually lost contact with, but the Flints I kept in touch with. They were the ones I connected to the most and they in turn seemed to care for me more than others. They became a family in Christ. I cared for the and they for me. Essentially we looked out for one another. When something was bothering us, or we needed to vent...we knew who to approach. It was a difficult summer for many reasons...but we had each other to lean upon. I loved Jeff like a brother.

Fast forward 3 years...It is spring 2011. My year in Wisconsin was drawing to a close. I had options. I had option of what was coming next in my life. I wasn't quite sure what life entailed at that point. A few options were rolling around in my head. In the end, I accepted Jeff and Dotty's invitation to come live with them for a few weeks while I figure things out. So, off I went south. I drove to Houston via Indianapolis and Nashville and Mississippi and Louisiana. I arrived when they were having a barbecue with family. I quickly felt like family myself. I made the right decision indeed. For the following 8 weeks during the summer of 2011, I spent with the Flints, riding my bike, watching movies, hanging out with my friends and also did some job searching. I applied and interviewed at a camp north of Houston as well as a few other places like FedEx. But alas, no one hired me. I felt at home in their house and Jeff and Dotty were very hospitable and were truly the definition of southern hospitality. Jeff mentioned to me that he has done what most people, including his brother who he received some grief from, would not do. They took me in during a transition and let me stay rent free. I was comfortable not being a freeloader. They were friends who cared and wanted the best for me.

Towards the end of the 8 weeks, my sister contacted me and asked me if I would be interested in driving to Yuma, Arizona to help her with her young girls during a trying time in her life. She understood that I was in transition and was wondering what was next for me...so I agreed. The day when I was to depart Houston, my back gave out and I was bedridden for several hours. I knew Jeff was gone for the day and when I got enough strength, I gathered my belongings and made my way through the labyrinth of Houston on my way west on the long stretch of Highway 10. A day and half later and nearly 1,000 miles later I arrived in Yuma to some eager nieces. I was only planning on staying a few weeks, but that turned into another 8 weeks. Throughout half my stay, at the beginning of August, 2011, I received devastating news that a close friend had passed away from heart failure just before his 30th birthday. This hit me like a ton of bricks. Our last words were, "Talk to you soon." I fully believe that to this day. I will talk to my friend again soon just as I believe I will talk to Jeff Eclipse soon!

I kept in touch with Jeff and Dotty through the following years. In the spring of 2013 I purchased a touring bicycle and began planning a tour. I expressed interest in someone coming with me. Jeff tossed his name in the hat. Seeing that he was the only name in the hat, I was happy to have his company. It would be great to be reunited once more. I had a few ideas of where to go, but it was Jeff who convinced me of where to go. He told me he has not seen any giant redwoods and so the route was taking shape. I would ride down the Pacific Coast with Jeff driving a SAG vehicle during the summer of 2014. It would be an adventure we would not soon forget. I was living in a small apartment in Keizer at the time and it was my roommate who dubbed him "Texas Jeff," whenever I would talk with him. We called each other every month or so and talked for long bouts during the planning stages. I purchased some radios for us to use to keep in contact on the road. I was getting excited and I could tell he was as well. I began an adventure blog I called "Perfect Circles" which is still going to this day. I asked Jeff to write a guest piece for it to get his perspective and this is what he wrote:

**The following is a guest blog from my friend Jeff Flint also known in certain circles as Eclipse:

I've been off work (retired) for 17 months now and today I have been more restless/bored than I can recall in my entire life. I am much too young to feel this dang old. Perhaps it is a midlife crisis but I am feeling boxed in. I am craving movement, open skies and country air. As a teen I pieced together a decent road bike from several I purchased cheaply at auctions I attended with my dad. I spent countless hours and days on the back roads of Augusta and Rockbridge counties in the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia. I am ready to be that nomad again. Maybe not riding the bike (the knees don't work so well anymore) but hopefully on a scooter following a young wooly mammoth on his bike while providing support and adding strength and memories to a friendship that began 5 years ago at a Christian camp. The plans are to travel down the Pacific coast with no concrete plans while letting GOD lead us as we explore and enjoy His creation. I will end by saying we pray this is GOD's will and I can hardly wait to see my friend face to face again. Hope to keep you posted as plans evolve for at least one of us to resume those perfect circles.

As it happened, I was the one to resume those perfect circles. My plans were set and I was to leave...but alone. Jeff called me one day while I was perusing REI in Keizer to inform me that he felt really terrible about letting me down but he had some family commitments that would interfere with our adventure. At first I was disappointed, but I didn't hold it against him. I understood and we continued to talk and keep in touch. That initial tour of 2014 was only the beginning and Jeff made that happen. It was the first in now a trilogy of bicycle adventures with more on the way.

On January 9th, 2016 I received a call from Jeff and Dotty's eldest son Jeremy as I was leaving church. I never knew Jeremy but he knew how much I meant to his parents and them to me. Dotty wanted him to call me to inform me that Jeff chose to take his life. I was shocked and didn't quite know what to say. I was in disbelief. I walked home with tears welling up in my eyes. My parents came by after the church service to comfort me after they heard the news and I sent my sister a text and she was deeply moved and sent a very comforting and encouraging voicemail to me. I sat on my couch stunned with thoughts going rampant.

After a few days of processing, I wrote the following on Facebook:

Friends, over the weekend a good friend of mine lost a long battle of depression and made the decision to end his own life. My thoughts and prayers go out to the family and I share in their grief. This hurts and was a huge shock to me. Please remember each day to love each other and to love God.

 My thoughts continue with Jeff and my prayers continue to go out to Dotty and the boys. I miss you dearly my friend Eclipse. I can hardly wait until we see each other face to face again! I lament, I grieve, I pray, but I also remember. I remember and celebrate all the good times we have had. You were faithful and kind and courageous. I miss you and love you brother. You are ready to be that nomad again. Enjoy the open skies and country air my friend...

Please continue to love each other and to lift one another up in the Spirit.

The Young and the Precious

Sadness. Sorrow. Strife. Retreat. Retrieve. Resow.

Once upon a time in the land of Colorado I met a family. This family grew dear to me. They had wild and energetic boys which I grew to know and love. I worked at a camp in the mountains southwest of Denver and this is where I met this family. They cared for me as they did all the staff. Dale and Susan were like family. I grew close to Susan and admired Dale's Godly leadership. I continue to think about their impact and influence on my life.

The VanGulicks are servants of the LORD God and their humility is modeled by many. There are many times I wish I lived closer to give them each a hug in the name of Jesus to say that they are loved and it is okay to grieve. And here's why: a few weeks before Christmas (December 14, 2016), their youngest son Harry chose to end his life. It brings tears to my eyes when I type these words. No words can express the grief endured. I knew something was wrong when I viewed this on social media. I contacted Susan and told her that if she was able and willing to explain what happened. Without knowing the details, my heart ached for her. I know what it means to lose a loved one. Since I worked at Id-Ra-Ha-Je, Susan and her family have been precious to me. I care for them deeply and when something hurts them, I hurt. Empathy is a real thing.

It is a wretched thing that happened. I am so very sorry Susan. Words are not and cannot be enough. I lost a dear friend last January to suicide. It never is easy and grief continues...to this day. As a brother in Christ, I am here for you even though I live a few states away. I care for your family and love you. But more importantly Christ loves you and has not and will not forget your faithfulness. This is hard to write...because of the ugliness that has taken place. My prayers and thoughts are forever with you.

A heavy burden, all in my heart, all in our hearts - this is our Father's world and we are His children, His kids. We are brothers and sisters by blood. This is the Family of God. We must lift each other up and care for one another. There is no more condemnation. There is only grace. We will be reunited with our loved family and friends. Meanwhile we continue to trudge on this earth, trying to make sense of all the pieces. But how do we construct such a puzzle when there is a piece missing? A missing link that no one else can fill? Questions come - more questions than answers. There are lots of questions we will never have answers to and a hug hole left in our hearts.

All of His children - His daughters and sons - let us band together and encourage one another. For these are hard times we are living in. One year is done and another is upon us. We remember the past, but we look to the future. For when all else fails, and it will, who will we look to? Are we committed to Christ? Let this be our story moving forward. Young Harry was and is loved by the one true God. He is God's child. We may not understand what has taken place while on this earth. But we have our faith and our community and God's promises. Please, continue to grieve. It is healthy to do so. Remember, "I am with you to the very end of the age," declares the Lord.

Dale, Susan, and family - may the Lord bless you and keep you always. Please take the is lament as encouragement and a blessing. We will miss Harry but we will see him soon. You are surrounded by love and peace...let us continue and keep in step with the Spirit.

Bless you...

Lingering in Lament After the Orlando Massacre

As many of you know, 49 victims were killed and many more were injured in a shooting at Pulse Orlando, a gay nightclub in Orlando, Florida.

 

Even as we learn their names, we mourn for the victims:

Edward Sotomayor Jr
Stanley Almodovar III
Luis Omar Ocasio-Capo
Juan Ramon Guerrero
Eric Ivan Ortiz-Rivera
Peter O. Gonzalez-Cruz
Luis S. Vielma
Kimberly Morris
Eddie Jamoldroy Justice
Darryl Roman Burt II
Deonka Deidra Drayton
Alejandro Barrios Martinez
Anthony Luis Laureanodisla
Jean Carlos Mendez Perez
Franky Jimmy Dejesus Velazquez
Amanda Alvear
Martin Benitez Torres
Luis Daniel Wilson-Leon
Mercedez Marisol Flores
Xavier Emmanuel Serrano Rosado
Gilberto Ramon Silva Menendez
Simon Adrian Carrillo Fernandez
Oscar A Aracena-Montero
Enrique L. Rios, Jr.
Miguel Angel Honorato
Javier Jorge-Reyes
Joel Rayon Paniagua
Jason Benjamin Josaphat
Cory James Connell
Juan P. Rivera Velazquez
Luis Daniel Conde
Shane Evan Tomlinson
Juan Chevez-Martinez
Jerald Arthur Wright
Leroy Valentin Fernandez
Tevin Eugene Crosby

Forty-nine people are dead (50 including the shooter). Families are grieving the loss of brothers, sons, daughters, mothers, and sisters. An entire city is mourning over what is the largest mass shooting in the history of the United States.

In faith, I hope the church isn’t remaining silent today. We can’t sit by, “righteously” removed from the loss of life that has happened. We must lead the charge to comfort, not condemn; to mourn, not ignore; to lament, not blame. We can’t allow others who are spewing hate and vitriol in the name of Jesus to poison this well. We need to speak slower, love harder, hug longer as we seek to silence those who preach a hate-filled pseudo-gospel.

We have a biblical mandate to grieve with those who grieve. There are the handful who immediately and openly proclaim that this tragedy is a result of sin or a lack of gun control or lax policing. There are others who retweet an article on the tragedy while harboring feelings that perhaps this end was well deserved. But I have been encouraged by the posts I’ve seen and the people I respect who are reaching out after the Orlando massacre—many of us refuse to fall into these traps as we recognize the value of each of those lives that have been lost.

With Charleston, S.C. as my hometown, when the shootings happened last year at Emanuel AME, I felt physical pain for days, and I wasn’t alone. Churches around the nation hosted vigils for the nine people who died. Believers wept and held each other, feeling deeply bonded over their loss. But yesterday we experienced another grave loss, 50 losses in fact. May we acknowledge that God beautifully and intentionally made each of these victims in His image. May we still faithfully attend the prayer vigils that will be held and weep with those who are weeping because we recognize that lives lost in a nightclub are no less valuable than those lost in a church.

Today I stand with those who are seeking to fill the void of love the church has often shown towards the gay community. Our grief cannot be curbed by disagreement or disapproval. Violence against the LGBTQ community must end, and we, who believe so fervently in the sanctity of human life, must champion this cause.

Now is the time to for the church to act as she should. Now is the time for reckless, radiant selflessness. Now is the time for deep, difficult lament. Too often we rush this part—we get grief wrong. Henri Nouwen once wrote that “the friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing, and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.” Teach us to lament, Lord. Teach us how to be uncomfortable and unsure as we wade through this debilitating darkness with others. Even after the 24-hour news cycle has passed, show us how to remember everything we’ve lost.

“Many people are looking for an ear that will listen,” writes Dietrich Bonhoeffer, “They do not find it among Christians, because these Christians are talking when they should be listening.” May we learn to love and listen. May Jesus come soon and heal this broken world filled with broken people. Until then, may His peace comfort us in the face of something so senseless, and may we comfort each other with the hope we have.

Have mercy, Jesus, and teach us what love looks like today.

**Published by Boundless.org**

Ice Cream Day!

Today is Ice Cream Day! Now, before you start and look up all the national days, I will stop you and say, "This is no national day. This is an international...nay, an intergalactic day. It is in fact Ice Cream Day and this is why: Six years ago today a beautiful baby girl was born. Her name was Rebecca Faith. She was born with a rare condition that caused difficulty. A year and half later she went Home to be with Jesus. Rebecca is my niece. Today, June 10th, we celebrate her life by eating ice cream because on her first and only birthday she was blessed to taste ice cream and loved it!!

This was a hard time for the family. But God is faithful and just and loved Rebecca more than anyone could ever know. She crawled right up into His heavenly lap and is waiting there for the rest of us. We miss her, but we never forget her. Life goes on, yes, but we remember the good times. God is in control at all times and we must have faith that everything will work out. He has reasons for every season.

Our lamentations aren't very long. They may not even exist because we know we will be reunited together in Heaven. We do lament, but we celebrate even more. We celebrate a life that was full of love and laughter. Rebecca is truly a faith child.

Would you join me in celebrating her today with a big bowl of your favorite ice cream? Yumm!

Beauty from Ashes

When I was in university, I was at a loss. I was at a loss of what to study. What did I want to do? Where did I want to go? I knew not the direction I was heading in. Mark Carter was my RD, my Resident Director. He was a great man of God and I loved hanging out with him and he was very supportive. His wife, Rebecca was the career counselor there at Simpson University in Redding, CA. She was the sweetest woman I knew. She was very helpful and played a huge roll in my college career. During my junior year and a big chunk of the following year, I met with Rebecca Carter to determine what course of study I wanted to do, which direction I wanted to go in. I prayed and prayed. We hashed out ideas after ideas and determined that Christian camping is where my heart was truly at. We became friends and I looked forward to our times together. She loved the Lord and made that her driving force behind what she did.

A year or two ago, I heard some devastating news that Rebecca lost a fight to cancer and went home to be with her Savior. She lost to cancer, but she won at life. She is now living with Jesus and living the best career anyone can hope for. Rebecca was an inspiration. She had this beauty and smile that just made you feel good about yourself. I will miss her and look forward to seeing her again soon.

As I met with her in her office, we finally determined that the major of "General Ministry" would be the best course of action for me. It was a mixture of youth ministry, missions and pastoral studies. Whereas I wanted to go into camp ministry, Simpson didn't offer a camping major which at the time I didn't know existed. Therefore, this general major made sense. The year I graduated they offered, "Outdoor Leadership," which I would've jumped at if it was offered earlier. But I was happy with general ministry but often hesitate when people ask me, even today what I studied in college. The reason for this being the generic nature of the major. It has "general" in it's name. There are some who focus on the "ministry" and wonder why I'm not using my major. I never wanted to be a pastor or minister, etc. But the general public misunderstand. Of course starting my own camp has been festering on the back burner for some time.

Rebecca Carter helped fuel the fire in me. She assisted me in finding out what I truly want. She played a pivotal part in my desire for children's ministry. One can wonder why she was taken when she was, but God has reasons and they are not our reasons. We may not understand, but we can believe and have faith and trust and obey. As hard as it is to believe, we can be assured that her work here was done and God took her home. Our work remains unfinished. And we will be reunited soon.

I thank you Rebecca for your love, for your service and for your willingness to help the least of these. You are missed. Your loving nature exudes magnificence and your beauty remains. I will always remember you and your faithfulness. I owe you many thanks. I miss you and grieve with Mark at your passing. But it's not a true passing, for we will see you again shortly...and discuss things of adoration. Talk to you soon sister. Go with God.

Running on Streets of Gold

I graduated high school in 2002. It is now 2016. Through my sophomore, junior and senior years of high school (2000-2001) I learned that my good friend from Elementary School, Cassandra Owens, Cassie to her friends was diagnosed with cancer.

I learned that she was wheelchair bound and lost a leg to cancer. She was in the newspaper and a friend who was on my cross country team knew her some as well. The reason was because Cassie was also a runner. When I knew her in grade school she was not a runner. In fact, we both didn't like to run at all. Now look at us. We were both runners. I regret losing contact with her because she was a great friend to me. She was the sweetest person you ever did meet.

Anyhow, a little while later, sometime in the beginning of the 2000s, she lost her life and was united with God in her Heavenly home. This news hurt. She lived for God. She loved to run. She ran for His pleasure. That was her joy. She wasn't ever a fast runner. I wasn't ever a fast runner. But we both enjoyed it. When Cassie was bound to the wheelchair, her dream was to be able to run again. I have faith and I know that when the Lord called her home, her first order of business was to strap on some Heavenly running shoes and hit the track...hit the track of gold. She is running on the streets of gold while conversing with her Lord.

Those of us who have not yet gone home wonder why. Why is it that the Lord has called her and not me? She was the most gentle person I knew of. She didn't have a mean bone in her body. She was on fire for the Lord and cared for the interests of others rather than herself. She lived in humility and I wish I could have known her in her later years here on earth, but I trust that she was living every second and running every second for Jesus Christ. I miss you Cassie and look forward to seeing you again soon.

As I lament here, I want to remember Cassandra Owens. I want to remember Cassie as who she was and who she is. There is a picture I have somewhere from Kindergarten graduation where Cassie and I are talking with each other. I wish I could find it and attach it. But let's just say I remember her well. She was kind, gentle and humbling. She was strong, courageous and I am sure she grew to be a daughter of God until she went to her House in the Heavenly Realms.

You are missed, but your legacy remains. See you soon my sister in Christ. See you soon Cassie.

To Remember a Friend

Jason, this evening I stood in a circle at the top of camp where you and I greeted campers as they arrived on the buses, listening to remembrances of your life as we spread your ashes in a place where your heart truly was. I have a lot of memories with you Jason, but I only got to know you the last 5 years of your life here on earth. Those 5 years will remain special. For every friendship you made was special. You knew how to love and how to care and make others feel loved. Listening to your family and close friends who knew you growing up, I couldn't help but wish I knew you earlier. But the Lord knows what He is doing when he puts people in each other's lives when He does and I will forever be grateful of that.

I have never been very great at making friends but you loved me as a brother and I miss that kind of friendship immensely. As I walk through this world and see activity on social media and witness encounters and conversations, it seems to me that generally speaking, people don't know how to love. This world is in a rush and they just want to get where they are going with no care about those around them. They waltz around like they are the center of the universe with no ears for others. That's what happens mostly. Then comes someone like you Jason. You knew how to love. You provided me with a new perspective on life. Those five years I knew you, I became a better person for it. I miss you and wish I knew more with your attitude about life. Then it hits me...what if I became that person? What kind of friend am I to others? The perspective you offered makes me wonder...wonder a lot. What am I doing with my life? How am I doing life? What will my legacy be like? What will I leave behind? How will I be remembered?

As I drove home this evening, I saw your memories through the beautiful sunset (while trying not to get blinded) on the horizon. Memories from camp, memories from La Perla, Gov Cup and hanging out...of road trips and conversations and watching cartoons. One memory stands out at camp: It was the summer where archery instructors had to be 21 or older and you and I had to teach archery pretty much all summer. One day at the end of the activity, you called over to me on the other side of the creek, "Wooly, I shot a shrew!" I was like, "What? What did you shoot?" as I slowly walked over to you across the creek. You took me to the hay bales and sure enough, you pulled out an arrow that had impaled a tiny mouse. "What do I do?" I wasn't sure either. No campers were around, so we decided to fling the little guy into the forest and call it a funeral. We wiped the blood from the arrow and walked back to camp.

Also, who can forget our bus buddies? You and I were the camp bus buddies! I'm not really sure how it started, but I remember us just walking over to the bus entrance to get away from the other staff who were normally talking stupid. So we would have our own pow wows in the morning while throwing rocks at the little reflectors across the way. Sometimes Salamander would join us, but we wouldn't allow anyone else. We had an alliance, you and I and it was a special one. We soon realized that the bus buddy program would die if we both left, so we created a written quiz. We had to make it difficult to weed out the dumb ones. Thus we put questions like, draw your favorite animal noise and what are some appropriate and inappropriate bus buddy conversation topics and what's your favorite camp song since we both were very opinionated when it came to that. Ah, the bus buddies. I look forward to the day I arrive in Heaven on a big yellow bus and I look out the window and see you and Jesus waving to me.

I remember the late night I had to pick my parents up from the airport and asked you to come with me. You jumped at the opportunity and we bonded over that trip. Ah the memories Jason. I remember the first time I met you...Family Work Camp 2006, right before we worked together that summer. I think you were teaching me the game of Flux or something. Shortly after this, you introduced me to your good friend Caleb. Ah, the good times indeed. I take heart in the fact that I will see you and talk to you soon and we will have good times...alas, better times again...

And lastly, of course we wanted to start our own camp together. Everyone else who I have mentioned this to looks at me weird or says some comment or just thinks I'm nuts. I have not yet met someone else to assist me in this endeavor, another partner-in-crime, but my journey continues. You can never be replaced, but I love the idea of doing this in your honor. Camp ministry was your heart as it is mine. That is a passion we shared. It is my hope and earnest prayer that we will see the bearing for fruit from this adventure.

You are gone from this planet, but never forgotten...

I will lament, the tears will periodically flow, but your strength and the memories you have left will remain...until I too am called Home.