Remembering an Eclipse...

One year ago...at the beginning of 2016, a dear friend of mine chose to end his life. Therefore I have chosen to write this lament in remembrance of him and his faithful deeds. His name was Jeff Flint or better known as Eclipse as how I first met him, or as a friend of mine dubbed him: Texas Jeff because he was from the Lone Star State. I just know that the state is down one star...but we remember him and grieve his departure and continue on doing the Lord's work. I met Jeff during the summer of 2008 at a small camp in Washington state. In fact, he was one of the first people I met there. Him and his wife Dotty, better known to me as Solar. Together they were Solar Eclipse! I was sitting in the back of the forum, not knowing how this was going to work out for me. I began getting anxious and dizzy and as the nurses, Jeff and Dotty took great care of me. They led me out to my cabin and laid me down to rest. I was forever grateful. That was the beginning of a wonderful friendship!

Throughout that summer, part of my job was to be in charge of parking control at the beginning and end of camp. When no one else seemed to help me out when I was in need, Eclipse was right there to help me in his golf cart. He also helped me some when I needed assistance after dark when I was on the prowl for those who should be in their cabins. There was way too much leniency going on at this camp and the leadership had no respect or authority and therefore I was forever grateful for Eclipse and those who offered a helping hand. Thank you Jeff.

I knew Jeff, Dotty and their sons were from the south. I think they lived at one point in New Mexico before moving to Texas. After the summer like that it is always difficult to say goodbye to those you grew close to. Most I eventually lost contact with, but the Flints I kept in touch with. They were the ones I connected to the most and they in turn seemed to care for me more than others. They became a family in Christ. I cared for the and they for me. Essentially we looked out for one another. When something was bothering us, or we needed to vent...we knew who to approach. It was a difficult summer for many reasons...but we had each other to lean upon. I loved Jeff like a brother.

Fast forward 3 years...It is spring 2011. My year in Wisconsin was drawing to a close. I had options. I had option of what was coming next in my life. I wasn't quite sure what life entailed at that point. A few options were rolling around in my head. In the end, I accepted Jeff and Dotty's invitation to come live with them for a few weeks while I figure things out. So, off I went south. I drove to Houston via Indianapolis and Nashville and Mississippi and Louisiana. I arrived when they were having a barbecue with family. I quickly felt like family myself. I made the right decision indeed. For the following 8 weeks during the summer of 2011, I spent with the Flints, riding my bike, watching movies, hanging out with my friends and also did some job searching. I applied and interviewed at a camp north of Houston as well as a few other places like FedEx. But alas, no one hired me. I felt at home in their house and Jeff and Dotty were very hospitable and were truly the definition of southern hospitality. Jeff mentioned to me that he has done what most people, including his brother who he received some grief from, would not do. They took me in during a transition and let me stay rent free. I was comfortable not being a freeloader. They were friends who cared and wanted the best for me.

Towards the end of the 8 weeks, my sister contacted me and asked me if I would be interested in driving to Yuma, Arizona to help her with her young girls during a trying time in her life. She understood that I was in transition and was wondering what was next for me...so I agreed. The day when I was to depart Houston, my back gave out and I was bedridden for several hours. I knew Jeff was gone for the day and when I got enough strength, I gathered my belongings and made my way through the labyrinth of Houston on my way west on the long stretch of Highway 10. A day and half later and nearly 1,000 miles later I arrived in Yuma to some eager nieces. I was only planning on staying a few weeks, but that turned into another 8 weeks. Throughout half my stay, at the beginning of August, 2011, I received devastating news that a close friend had passed away from heart failure just before his 30th birthday. This hit me like a ton of bricks. Our last words were, "Talk to you soon." I fully believe that to this day. I will talk to my friend again soon just as I believe I will talk to Jeff Eclipse soon!

I kept in touch with Jeff and Dotty through the following years. In the spring of 2013 I purchased a touring bicycle and began planning a tour. I expressed interest in someone coming with me. Jeff tossed his name in the hat. Seeing that he was the only name in the hat, I was happy to have his company. It would be great to be reunited once more. I had a few ideas of where to go, but it was Jeff who convinced me of where to go. He told me he has not seen any giant redwoods and so the route was taking shape. I would ride down the Pacific Coast with Jeff driving a SAG vehicle during the summer of 2014. It would be an adventure we would not soon forget. I was living in a small apartment in Keizer at the time and it was my roommate who dubbed him "Texas Jeff," whenever I would talk with him. We called each other every month or so and talked for long bouts during the planning stages. I purchased some radios for us to use to keep in contact on the road. I was getting excited and I could tell he was as well. I began an adventure blog I called "Perfect Circles" which is still going to this day. I asked Jeff to write a guest piece for it to get his perspective and this is what he wrote:

**The following is a guest blog from my friend Jeff Flint also known in certain circles as Eclipse:

I've been off work (retired) for 17 months now and today I have been more restless/bored than I can recall in my entire life. I am much too young to feel this dang old. Perhaps it is a midlife crisis but I am feeling boxed in. I am craving movement, open skies and country air. As a teen I pieced together a decent road bike from several I purchased cheaply at auctions I attended with my dad. I spent countless hours and days on the back roads of Augusta and Rockbridge counties in the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia. I am ready to be that nomad again. Maybe not riding the bike (the knees don't work so well anymore) but hopefully on a scooter following a young wooly mammoth on his bike while providing support and adding strength and memories to a friendship that began 5 years ago at a Christian camp. The plans are to travel down the Pacific coast with no concrete plans while letting GOD lead us as we explore and enjoy His creation. I will end by saying we pray this is GOD's will and I can hardly wait to see my friend face to face again. Hope to keep you posted as plans evolve for at least one of us to resume those perfect circles.

As it happened, I was the one to resume those perfect circles. My plans were set and I was to leave...but alone. Jeff called me one day while I was perusing REI in Keizer to inform me that he felt really terrible about letting me down but he had some family commitments that would interfere with our adventure. At first I was disappointed, but I didn't hold it against him. I understood and we continued to talk and keep in touch. That initial tour of 2014 was only the beginning and Jeff made that happen. It was the first in now a trilogy of bicycle adventures with more on the way.

On January 9th, 2016 I received a call from Jeff and Dotty's eldest son Jeremy as I was leaving church. I never knew Jeremy but he knew how much I meant to his parents and them to me. Dotty wanted him to call me to inform me that Jeff chose to take his life. I was shocked and didn't quite know what to say. I was in disbelief. I walked home with tears welling up in my eyes. My parents came by after the church service to comfort me after they heard the news and I sent my sister a text and she was deeply moved and sent a very comforting and encouraging voicemail to me. I sat on my couch stunned with thoughts going rampant.

After a few days of processing, I wrote the following on Facebook:

Friends, over the weekend a good friend of mine lost a long battle of depression and made the decision to end his own life. My thoughts and prayers go out to the family and I share in their grief. This hurts and was a huge shock to me. Please remember each day to love each other and to love God.

 My thoughts continue with Jeff and my prayers continue to go out to Dotty and the boys. I miss you dearly my friend Eclipse. I can hardly wait until we see each other face to face again! I lament, I grieve, I pray, but I also remember. I remember and celebrate all the good times we have had. You were faithful and kind and courageous. I miss you and love you brother. You are ready to be that nomad again. Enjoy the open skies and country air my friend...

Please continue to love each other and to lift one another up in the Spirit.

The Young and the Precious

Sadness. Sorrow. Strife. Retreat. Retrieve. Resow.

Once upon a time in the land of Colorado I met a family. This family grew dear to me. They had wild and energetic boys which I grew to know and love. I worked at a camp in the mountains southwest of Denver and this is where I met this family. They cared for me as they did all the staff. Dale and Susan were like family. I grew close to Susan and admired Dale's Godly leadership. I continue to think about their impact and influence on my life.

The VanGulicks are servants of the LORD God and their humility is modeled by many. There are many times I wish I lived closer to give them each a hug in the name of Jesus to say that they are loved and it is okay to grieve. And here's why: a few weeks before Christmas (December 14, 2016), their youngest son Harry chose to end his life. It brings tears to my eyes when I type these words. No words can express the grief endured. I knew something was wrong when I viewed this on social media. I contacted Susan and told her that if she was able and willing to explain what happened. Without knowing the details, my heart ached for her. I know what it means to lose a loved one. Since I worked at Id-Ra-Ha-Je, Susan and her family have been precious to me. I care for them deeply and when something hurts them, I hurt. Empathy is a real thing.

It is a wretched thing that happened. I am so very sorry Susan. Words are not and cannot be enough. I lost a dear friend last January to suicide. It never is easy and grief continues...to this day. As a brother in Christ, I am here for you even though I live a few states away. I care for your family and love you. But more importantly Christ loves you and has not and will not forget your faithfulness. This is hard to write...because of the ugliness that has taken place. My prayers and thoughts are forever with you.

A heavy burden, all in my heart, all in our hearts - this is our Father's world and we are His children, His kids. We are brothers and sisters by blood. This is the Family of God. We must lift each other up and care for one another. There is no more condemnation. There is only grace. We will be reunited with our loved family and friends. Meanwhile we continue to trudge on this earth, trying to make sense of all the pieces. But how do we construct such a puzzle when there is a piece missing? A missing link that no one else can fill? Questions come - more questions than answers. There are lots of questions we will never have answers to and a hug hole left in our hearts.

All of His children - His daughters and sons - let us band together and encourage one another. For these are hard times we are living in. One year is done and another is upon us. We remember the past, but we look to the future. For when all else fails, and it will, who will we look to? Are we committed to Christ? Let this be our story moving forward. Young Harry was and is loved by the one true God. He is God's child. We may not understand what has taken place while on this earth. But we have our faith and our community and God's promises. Please, continue to grieve. It is healthy to do so. Remember, "I am with you to the very end of the age," declares the Lord.

Dale, Susan, and family - may the Lord bless you and keep you always. Please take the is lament as encouragement and a blessing. We will miss Harry but we will see him soon. You are surrounded by love and peace...let us continue and keep in step with the Spirit.

Bless you...